November 2nd

The good news for today is that I'm feeling okay so far.  Had a nice walk through a farmer's market, a good latte, and a visit to a tiny museum.  It's almost noon and I hope to take a walk along the beach at low tide this afternoon.

The shitty thing about today is it's November 2nd - the day my husband and I were supposed to head to Carmel, California for 2 weeks.  We rented an adorable bungalow in the middle of town, walkable to the beach, one block from one of our favorite restaurants, La Bicyclette, 4 blocks down from from our favorite coffee shop, Rise and Roam, near unimaginably gorgeous hikes at Point Lobos State Park, and next to unbelievable golf at Pebble Beach.  It was going to be 2 glorious weeks of hiking, golf, walks to dinner, sunsets from Mission Ranch, 17 Mile Drive, or the beach, and further exploring this little corner of the world. 

So, I'm supposed to be on a flight to Monterey right now.  I checked the weather there and it looks absolutely perfect for the next 2 weeks - just my temps - high of 62ish, low of 49 and sunny.  Nothing like rubbing salt into a wound.

We cancelled this trip (along with others) as soon as we found out my diagnosis and treatment plan.  Can't skip multiple weeks of chemo.  I feel awful for my husband who LOVES Carmel and Pebble Beach; his retirement shouldn't be hampered by my illness and yet it is.  I too love it out there; it's different and wild and gorgeous.  I love the gym that I found out there 2 years ago and love going to Carmel Meadows Beach after to do a sunrise hike as the rabbits run along the trails while the sun crests over the mountains behind the beach. I love walking into town for dinner and checking out all the galleries and wine tasting rooms.  There are so many things yet to discover there and it will all have to wait.  

I have a 4 week window between the end of chemo and the beginning of radiation (which is every day) and am not-so-secretly plotting to wedge a trip out there between my every-three-week-infusion that will continue for a year.  The place we previously rented is still available.  How will I feel?  Will I have the energy at that point for hikes and golf?  I'm scouring online support groups for answers.  Whatever it is, it will have to be last minute for sure.  Here's hoping...  xo J

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