Chemo - the Gift that Keeps Giving

It's 6:40am and I'm just back from my 5:30am workout (which I did on Thursday morning too - boom!).  But I barely got out the door this morning.  

I haven't yet talked about my hair other than cold capping.  Like a pitcher throwing a no-hitter, things were going well and I didn't want to jinx it.  Got up around 4:50am this morning and ran my wide-toothed comb through my hair.  And so it begins.  A shed.  That's what they call it.  Long hairs, just falling out.  Not a ton, not a bald patch (Yet? Dear God no.) but not normal shed.  I made a pony tail with my hand and ran my hand gently down the end, only to bring some hair along with it.  Felt nothing at the roots of my hair, just hair coming out.  Quiet devastation in my bathroom at 5am.

Like all things through this process, I am in disbelief.  I still can't believe I was diagnosed with cancer. I can't believe I'm in the process of receiving chemo even though there I am every Wednesday.  I can't believe after cold capping and all, my hair is starting to fall out.  Logically, I know my chances of keeping my hair - an 80% chance of keeping 50%.  Some will go for sure.  But, like all things, this can't possibly happen to me.  But it is.  I don't know why I'm surprised or shocked but I am.  Part of me thinks I'm strong enough, 'healthy' enough to sail through this cancer treatment.  But really, it's no joke. All of my mental fortitude is no match for chemo.  

The 'good' news is that I quietly accepted it, got a hug from my husband who heard my devastation (maybe I wasn't that quiet), and went to the gym.  I didn't let it derail my day (yet).  I won't.  Candace might get some action later though.  The baseball caps are coming out.  And the thought of washing my hair tomorrow is terrifying.  Here we go; another hurdle to cross. xo J

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